Me: "Who has the best seat in the house, me or daddy?"

Adam: "Well, Daddy's is nice, but yours is best. Your's is squishier."

Monday, March 25, 2013


Hello from the hospital.

What a ride.

I haven't got the energy for a well thought out post right now, but I can give an update.

So much has happened in so short a time.  My perinatologist told me I am an enigma; they have never seen this happen before, and so my care is moment by moment as there are no rules to follow with this one.  At the moment we are waiting on test results to see if the new levels of medication are being reached.  The last test found we were on the low side, and that was before they raised their goal for the levels (they wanted to be at .7, they were at .6 and some change).  The new goal is 1.2, safe simply because of my nearly double blood volume from pregnancy.  The first test they drew a few days ago was lost by the lab in San Fransisco, so they drew another that they are waiting to hear back on.

My follow up ultrasound showed no change to my blood clot, which is actually good news.  No change means no growth.  We are hoping it will start to reduce like it did before, but lately all of our prayers are going to getting me safe so that we can keep baby inside.  The clot itself is sort of a back burner issue because the threat to my life is still so high right now.

My perinatologist is talking about delivering me at 32 weeks so that baby will be safe enough and then they can start working on getting me safe.  That is in 2 weeks and 2 days.  As long as I am pregnant and because I managed to reform the blood clot while on blood thinners, I am a bit of a ticking time bomb.  Since pregnancy is the cause, getting me un-pregnant is one of the possible and  most obvious solutions. 

I have been having suspicious episodes of low oxygenation and tight lungs, and the doctors think I may be having Micro-pulmonary embolisms, tiny pieces of the clot which break off and go to my lungs causing distress, but not a full blown PE (embolism).  I am on continuous monitoring, and if I get bad then I am on oxygen.  Friday and Saturday were the worst episodes of these, and yesterday was a bit better.  Today has been a little dicey but not as bad as before.  When these episodes happen, I am suddenly overwhelmed with sleepiness, but when I close my eyes and drift off, I suddenly drop in oxygenation and my alarm goes off.  The drop had not been a big enough drop (into the low 90's) for the nurses to get worried, but then the alarm would wake me, I would breathe, alarm off, doze, O2 drop, alarm, wake, breathe... over and over every 1-3 minutes for over an hour before I had the strength to call for help.  The second event was dropping me into the mid to low 80's, and I am not sure why the nurses were not on top of it, but a later nurse took it very seriously and got a plan put in place to make it so that I don't have to get distressed before I get relief.  Unfortunately, by giving me control of my own oxygen use - having it available to grab if I feel "off"- has made it so that they don't know if I am saturating well on my own or requiring O2, so they had turned it off again, but I began the cycle of drops and am on the O2 at this moment.  Before I can go home they will need to scan my leg again to check the clot size, make sure my levels are okay on the blood thinners, and establish that I am no longer having breathing problems. 

I am researching cord blood banking for the baby in the event the radiation exposure causes cancer later in life.  Looks like it will be $2000-$4000 dollars.  We are also trying to track down an RV so that I can stay here on site after they release me so as to be close to baby if it is in the NICU.  If I can make it to 35 weeks, baby may not have to stay.  Wouldn't that be wonderful? 

My spirits are pretty good.  I do have my moments.  I cry sometimes, but am trying very hard to keep positive hormones flowing throughout my body so that I am creating the most healing chemical environment possible.  I pray a lot.  I ask God to protect the baby and keep me safe so that I can keep the baby inside me and be a mama to all SIX of my sweet kiddos.  I tell him my heart and all that I hope for in detail, if that is His will for me.

Your prayers are so important in all of this.  Each person who prays for me becomes a partner in this plan as it unfolds, and healing and miracles that take place are being called down from heaven by each person who shares their faith with me in that way.  God is using this for His purposes, and I am humbled to be part of the process as he brings others into connection with the Spirit and their capacity to call upon their creator.  I pray each day for you, prayers of gratitude for the offerings that have come in so many ways.  There have been no small offerings of love and support.  I testify that we are God's children and that he loves us, and while I don't know how this will ultimately unfold, I believe we will be held by Him throughout the coming months.